#TheTWENTIESTAUGHTYOU - How Weddings Work
This summer (of course fresh out of my twenties) I was invited to multiple weddings and it’s all the rave I believed it would be. For the longest I'd been wishing, and hoping, and praying to get dolled up for the production of someone’s wedding weekend festivities; now that my friends and I are older and a lot more glowed up the opportunity seem to come around quite frequently. I'm all about it! It's truly one of the best parts of long lasting friendships; being able to grow and share in such memorable moments with people who have become your family, it's a wonderful feeling! Aside from enjoying the fun and heartfelt environment, there are lots of factors as an attendee that go into protecting and contributing to a successful wedding. Unlike other celebratory events, there are such delicate investments involved in pulling together such an elaborate affair the smallest mishap could ruin memories and relationships for a lifetime. One of the major milestone events that requires financial, logistical and emotional sacrifices from such a large web of people, you want to only add to the experience not creating more chaos than the inevitable. Now that I can officially claim to know a thing or two about showing up and turning out a wedding as a supportive friend, here is how you make it from invite (or not) to the reception without becoming a headline from the event:
WEDDING #1 - The Lockharts #KandBLockharts
Everyone Can’t Be Invited
Please take your non-invite gracefully and move on. Some people get so offended when they're not invited to every single wedding and I'll never understand why. Aside from having to obviously be strategic based on their budget allowed, the couple to be wed are also well within their rights to consider the overall environment of their big day. As a supportive bystander you have no legitimate reason to take their decision personal so just relax. The epitome of an "it's not about you" situation! Take a second to think about every person you know - now imagine the money and patience it would take to bring them together in one place? I'm sure you'd be picking off people left and right to create a feasible and peaceful way to make that happen; weddings are the real-life manifestation of that idea. Not to mention narrowing down your invites to compromise with a whole other person and their gang of family and folks - nerve wrecking! I’m sure it’s stressful enough excluding people in order to accomplish the bigger goal so don't be the person who heightens their guilt with a bad attitude. Being mature and supportive of those you care about means accepting that you may not be invited. No need to be salty.
Whether you're in the wedding party, making the cake or simply unable to attend at all, respond to the invite! Creating and mailing out invitations in any way is already a tedious task but having to then follow-up with half the guestlist is added stress the couple does not need in the midst of planning. It's easy to put off responding to most invites because we assume the person may know whether we're attending or similar to how I sometimes do, respond in my head and completely forget to formally reply. I totally understand but this is the type of event that requires everyone to claim their space in order to plan efficiently. Imma keep it real, I’ve made the mistake recently of forgetting to respond because I’d been speaking to the bride so frequently leading to the wedding, so imagine how silly I felt being one of the people she was forced to track down. AWFUL! This is an easy oversight that very innocently could add to a potential problem and we're all about solutions here! Please make sure to respond and most importantly stick to your decision because every YES, NO or MAYBE matters.
Always R.S.V.P.
Never Wear White, EVER!
unless instructed otherwise! This piece of advice could’ve been #1 because it’s the oldest cardinal rule; you don’t wear white to someone’s wedding! Originally reserved for the bride to signify their purity entering the union; white remains territory of the bride no matter what they’d like it to represent or if it’s even present. Totally the bride’s decision! Even though it’s a faux pas regardless of identity or association, women should especially be cautious because this act could be deemed a direct offense to the bride – you don’t want those problems! No cream, eggshell, off-white or other, just avoid the color scheme all together. Certain hues of pale pale pink even make me nervous, especially in photos so use your best judgement. Yes, we all look great and angelic in white, the color just feels appropriate for the occasion but NO! Dig deep into your complementary color palette or try something new, just don’t be the one to ruin someone’s moment over a simple color conflict.
WEDDING #2 - The Hoods #ASHOODASITGETS2018
Not your flavor of the week! It’s not customary for every invite to receive a plus one so just get that notion out of your head. Growing up watching rom-coms I envisioned going through this dramatic shuffle, looking for a date to my first wedding and coming up short; while in the real world that wasn't even an option with my wavering love life. I realized quickly that weddings are way too expensive for couples to cover your on and off agains so if your relationship status is drifting like mine just expect to be at the singles table with the rest of your friends. Attending a wedding is about showing your love and support anyway not your current dating status so if you’re not married plan to carpool or be your own designated driver because you're showing up dolo. PERIOD!
Plus Ones Are For Couples
Be On Time
Showing up late is by far the easiest way to disrupt or completely miss out on the entire ceremony during a wedding. From personal experience I know the feeling of standing outside the alter doors while everyone gets to witness the beauty of the bride, PRETTY SHITTY to say the least. Not to mention once you’re finally allowed in having to scout and skootch into a seat without disturbing the whole proceedings – well that’s the cherry on top of an already embarrassing cake. Top five twenty-something and beyond events you want to be on time for, weddings more than any other occasion exposes and leaves not only the lolly-gaggers but the excessively late stressed and depressed.
The wedding bells have rang, the broom has been jumped and now it’s time to party! Let’s be real, we’re gathered here today to witness the union and commitment of our loved one but the reception is the most anticipated part of the festivities! If you’re at all lucky with a generous wedding party not only will there be beautiful ambiance, top of the line cuisine and a dance floor to burn a hole in – but BITCH BOOZE FOR DAYS! Open bar receptions are nothing to play around with and could easily turn you into the highlight of the wedding season, if you’re not careful. The reality is there are ways to have a positive presence that brings light without outshining the guests of honor but rarely does that happen with the person who has overindulged. Be conscious about your consumption and avoid being the talk of post-wedding brunch.
Pace Yourself At The Reception
UPDATE and Honorable Mention Tips!!!!
SOME OF MY BESTIES GOT MARRIED!!!!
The Newman’s #JAZZGotANewMAN - My First Destination Wedding
Mindful Packing and Stick To The Itinerary
Thank you to The Newman’s for my first destination wedding, my first trip to Jamaica and a weekend that was so freaking fun I didn’t even have time to document it! Love you guys, I’m so happy and grateful to have witnessed your journey together and to now be able to share such heartfelt lessons from this experience! #KennyFuckingLatimore
My favorite to have attended, but quite honestly the most stressful wedding to prepare for thus far, there are lots of things to think about when packing for a destination wedding. On top of making sure you have your travel needs and tropical wardrobe, you’re double checking your big day attire and essentials while worrying about passing immigration. First things first, locate your passport and put in it in your bag. Don’t think twice about it – whatever personal or carry-on bag you’ll have by your side, just do like The Dream and “throw it in the bag!” This step is of the utmost importance because the worst – and I 100% mean THE WORST - feeling when approaching the airport for an international flight is panicking about whether you have your passport or not. Pit of your stomach devastation! Another thing to keep in mind when traveling abroad, especially for a “sophisticated” event like a wedding, there may be no way to acquire or replace particular items specific to your daily or wedding needs so make sure to pack them. Don’t decide when you’re in another country that you want to look for a certain brand of make-up or finally get a bow tie because you’re sure to run into a trouble. Finally destination weddings although reminiscent of a vacation indeed are not; it’s still very much a wedding and about the couple to be wed. Especially when everyone is traveling for the wedding there are usually events scheduled by the host which takes tons of coordination and communication to pull together so being in attendance is showing your respect. You’re there for one freaking reason, what other plans do you have? Plenty of course! Sarcasm aside, there is nothing wrong with outside activities, utilizing your time to sight see and such but do it in the free time allotted. That’s all! Don’t be that person who’s parasailing an hour before the wedding then confused why everyone’s side-eyeing you for being late and exhausted looking.
The Timberlakes’ #ToBeATimberlake- My First Time Being A Bridesmaid
Wedding Parties Are A Commitment
All Black Everything!
I was finally asked to be a bridesmaid by one of my best friends Imoni and it was everything I’d imagine sharing this moment with a great friend would be like. As wonderful of an experience as it was I wouldn’t be keeping it real if I didn’t share how overwhelming it was to be apart of a wedding party. We’re a full year out from the day and the group chat still lit #ISSABRIDESMAID! An extremely fun undertaking and a lot less stressful than I assume it could have been dealing with the complete opposite of a Bridezilla, there were still lots of obligations that came with the job. First things first, be prepared to spend a bag standing side by side with the married-to-be because you want to be in accordance with all things involved. Attending the bachelor/bachelorette weekend, contributing, buying gifts, not to mention being dressed the part to walk the aisle; it all has to be covered be someone and likely that somebody will be you. It’s fine, it sucks in the moment but it’ll hurt so good being a part of their beautiful memories for a lifetime, I promise it’ll all be worth it! The most important job, the way to be an elite member of the hive without issue is being seen and not spoken of in any type of way. The only thing that the bride or groom ever has to mention around the time of the wedding are the things that are going wrong and you don’t want to be one of them. Your main objective is to make the big day as stress-free as possible and adorn the soon to be wed with the love, compliments and well wishes needed to make them feel confident moving into their next chapter!
…it’s possible and vital! Especially in our current climate it is essential to support one another and lift up black businesses and entrepreneurs when we have the chance to. Melanin in the morning, straight into the evening and even catering supper time - black folks truly came together to make this day magical. More reason why I was proud to be a part of #ToBeATimberlake. The morning started with me getting cursed out in only the way your favorite big cousin would gather you after arriving with the crust still in my eyes. It was early but my girl (IG shannionthebeat, make-up artist in the DMV) had me cackling the entire time and beat my face like the Instagram suggest. She made gorgeous every girl that hit her seat, along with the other make-up artist and fellow bison who got us in formation with these Peruvian ponys; the team of three made us perfect and it set the tone for a picturesque day. From the bridal jewelry to entertainment and event planning crew tasked to wrangling a group of rowdy Bison amongst family and friends the gifted kept on giving throughout the evening! I was so inspired knowing my friend cared enough to prioritize and highlight friends, black artist and businesses for a day that was so important to her; it was honestly a beautiful thing to see!
